BINGLEY
There's really no need for you to come tonight, Darcy.
DARCY
Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
BINGLEY
You're not exactly everyone's favourite houseguest, you know.
DARCY
But Sir William is expecting me.
BINGLEY
I really don't think you'll be missed, Darcy.
DARCY
You were so anxious to have me at that assembly ball a few days ago.
What's different this time?
BINGLEY
I'm worried that you'll upset Miss Jane's sister, and then she'll
upset Jane, and then I'll get upset. I'd like Jane to be in a
good mood tonight.
DARCY
What would I ever say to disturb Bennet Number Two?
BINGLEY
You have a knack for overturning people's moods, Darcy.
Especially hers. And Miss King's.
DARCY
Oh, nonsense.
BINGLEY
The proprietor of that dress shop is barring you from his premises,
you know.
DARCY
Well, I'll go buy a dozen or so shawls from him.
That'll improve his opinion.
BINGLEY
Thank goodness she won't be there tonight.
DARCY
...Oh.
BINGLEY
Perhaps Caroline can keep you occupied.
DARCY
...Um.
BINGLEY
Maybe you should try dancing this time.
DARCY
Oh, hang it all.
I just remembered some letters that I absolutely have to
get out in the morning.
I'll have to spend all night on them.
BINGLEY
Oh for heaven's sake, Darcy. After all that fuss you're not going to
come now?
DARCY
I need to wear out a few quills tonight.
BINGLEY
Well stay away from my tawny port.
DARCY
Please offer Sir William my deepest regrets.
BINGLEY
And hands off the French brandy.
DARCY
Don't worry. I brought my own.
BINGLEY
Well, it's better this way in any case.
When Miss Elizabeth arrives, she and Jane won't get annoyed by
your clever banter.
DARCY
What? I thought you said she wasn't coming.
BINGLEY
No. Miss King won't be coming.
DARCY
...Oh.
BINGLEY
I hope Jane wears that white dress again.
DARCY
Wait a minute.
...Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to insult Lady Lucas by not
attending her party.
BINGLEY
Oh, believe me, Darcy, she won't miss you, that's for sure.
DARCY
Well, the ladies may be short of dance partners.
I'd better come after all.
BINGLEY
Blast it all, Darcy. You're as fickle as a woman.
DARCY
And there's something I needed to ask Colonel Forster.
BINGLEY
If I see you talking to Miss Elizabeth then I'm sending Caroline
over.
DARCY
And Hurst wanted me to sample some of Sir William's sherry.
BINGLEY
If you upset her tonight, Darcy,
I'll have you tied to that oak tree out front.