LADY CATHERINE
Darcy, come into the drawing room this instant!
DARCY
Oh, hello aunt. How nice to see you.
LADY CATHERINE
Never mind that. I have to warn you about a most pressing
matter.
DARCY
Yes, aunt?
LADY CATHERINE
That tart from Hertfordshire has been circulating some vicious
rumours. I went there to stifle her and to extract a promise
that she will cease immediately.
DARCY
What tart? What rumours?
LADY CATHERINE
Oh, Darcy, pay attention. That Bennet girl who is friendly
with Mrs. Collins. She has spread rumours that you and
she are engaged.
DARCY
Engaged?
LADY CATHERINE
Don't sit there and smirk at me like that, Darcy. This is
serious. What will this do to Anne's reputation, to have the
name of her betrothed associated with a common --
DARCY
What did she say?
LADY CATHERINE
What? What did who say? Miss Bennet? What does it matter
what she said? That little strumpet spoke to me in such a manner
that ... What do you find so funny, Darcy? I
need you to make your offer to Anne as soon as possible. An
official offer. Before these rumours proliferate across the
entire country.
DARCY
What did she say, aunt?
LADY CATHERINE
Miss Bennet? She completely refused to co-operate with me! That
little rustic trollop would not even admit to her malicious
rumour-mongering, nor would she promise to leave you alone.
DARCY
Leave me alone?
LADY CATHERINE
I wouldn't be surprised if she was on her way to Pemberley right now
to throw herself under your feet.
DARCY
Aunt, tell me what she said!
LADY CATHERINE
Darcy, hold your voice down. There are servants about.
DARCY
Tell me!
LADY CATHERINE
She wouldn't refuse to desist in not avoiding an engagement with
you.
DARCY
Excuse me, aunt? She avoided to refuse, ...what,
exactly?
LADY CATHERINE
No, no. Listen, nephew. She refused to promise
not to enter an engagement with you.
DARCY
Oh, oh, I see.
LADY CATHERINE
And she ...Darcy, pay attention! Look at
me.
DARCY
And why did you need such a promise from her? Are you expecting
me to make her an offer?
LADY CATHERINE
No, I should say not. But you might be lured by her wiles and
her --
DARCY
Like I've been lured by your wiles, aunt.
LADY CATHERINE
What? Darcy! How dare you!
DARCY
You've insinuated since I was a boy that I would have to marry
Anne.
LADY CATHERINE
But of course you will. It was your mother's wish, and
mine. ...and your father's.
DARCY
Oh, no it was not, aunt. My father warned me about
this many years ago.
LADY CATHERINE
This is not to be tolerated, Darcy! Do I have to extract a similar
promise from you?
DARCY
Oh really, aunt. I will make no promise of the kind.
LADY CATHERINE
What? Are you and that tramp conspiring against me and the wishes
of your family?
DARCY
Whose wishes? Your wishes.
LADY CATHERINE
And Anne's wishes. Do you mean to subject my poor daughter to
--
DARCY
Your 'poor' daughter has no intention of marrying me. Why don't
you listen to her some time?
LADY CATHERINE
You are being ridiculous. Anne will be devastated when she
hears of this. You have taken leave of your senses. I
have no more to say to you.
DARCY
Good day, aunt. Pleasant journey back to Kent.
LADY CATHERINE
Darcy, wait. Let us talk calmly and rationally about
this. Sit down here beside your old Aunt Catherine.
Oh, all right then. Sit where you want, but listen to me
carefully, er, I mean, please let your old Aunt Catherine explain to
you the method by which girls like Miss Bennet try to --
DARCY
Actually, aunt, she tried to shun me at every opportunity.
LADY CATHERINE
Oh, I don't think so, nephew. Young ladies such as herself --
DARCY
Then why did she refuse my offer of marriage last April at Rosings?
LADY CATHERINE
What?! Are you insane, Darcy?! You've already made her an
offer of marriage? So that's how these rumours got
started. Well, I should hope she refused you.
She showed some good sense for once in her life. She knew you
were destined for Anne.
DARCY
Oh, aunt. Go back to Kent.
LADY CATHERINE
Darcy. If you continue to speak to me in this manner then you
will no longer be welcome at Rosings Park.
DARCY
Then you can get someone else to clean up your affairs for you
next Easter.
LADY CATHERINE
How dare you, after all I've done for you.
DARCY
All you've done? What else would you like to do for me,
aunt? Perhaps you could trim my hedges, or tie my cravat, draw my bath
perhaps. You might make a good valet!
LADY CATHERINE
Wait until my brother in Matlock hears of this. I never wish
to see you again, nephew!
DARCY
Speaking of your brother, his son the Colonel may wish to have a word
with you.