Dec 18, 1812
Where's the book?
DARCY
Bingley, I need to see you in the library.
BINGLEY
Alright, Darcy, but can't you wait until I've finished my tea with my fiancée?
DARCY
Oh, good grief. Five minutes, Bingley, please.

BINGLEY
...Alright, Darcy, what is so important that I have to leave my sweet Jane to fend for herself against my sisters?
DARCY
I'm looking for a book in your library, but I can't seem to find it. Are all of your books here?
BINGLEY
Well, I believe so. Don't tell me you called me away to find a book.
DARCY
It's that book I lent you last spring? Remember?
BINGLEY
What book?
DARCY
You know, the book.
BINGLEY
What book?
DARCY
Oh, for heaven's sake, Bingley. That oriental book I got from that shop on Bleecker Street. Translated by Professor Mannering. About, you know, advice on matters of a, you know, personal nature, ...between a man and a, you know... from the orient.
BINGLEY
Mannering... Hmmm.
DARCY
Oh, Bingley, think, man. The book with the illustrations?
BINGLEY
Illustrations?
DARCY
Yes, illustrations. Where is it?
BINGLEY
Oh, oh, that book. Of course. ...That was quite a book, Darcy.
DARCY
Well, where is it?
BINGLEY
You need it now all of a sudden?
DARCY
Well, yes, Bingley. We are getting married in two days.
BINGLEY
Do you need a refresher course already, Darcy? Thank goodness I read that book before the wedding. Jane is in for quite an evening in two days time. And she has you to thank, Darcy, for loaning me that book.
DARCY
Well, she can thank me at breakfast the next morning. So where's the book?
BINGLEY
Why do you need it so suddenly? How could you possibly forget it? My god, Darcy, that illustration on page seventeen is one of my most cherished memories.
DARCY
I need it, Bingley, now!
BINGLEY
Why? I hope you're not going to pull it out on our wedding night and show it to Elizabeth. That wouldn't look very dashing, I must say.
DARCY
Look, Bingley, I never got a chance to read the damned thing! You borrowed it two days after I purchased it. It was the last copy in the shop.
BINGLEY
You never read it? Oh, Darcy. You are in deep trouble, my friend. Especially if Jane and Elizabeth have a chat the next morning.
DARCY
So, do you know where the book is?
BINGLEY
Yes, of course I do.
DARCY
Thank goodness. Where is it?
BINGLEY
It's in London.
DARCY
London?
BINGLEY
Yes. Don't worry. It's safe and sound.
DARCY
Safe and sound? Bingley, I'd like to at least peruse it tomorrow. Can you send for it first thing in the morning?
BINGLEY
Darcy, if you think I'm going to send an express to London asking that they look at the very back of the bottom drawer in my desk under all the papers to find a book that's filled with lewd pictures and send it to me, then you've had a bit too much brandy.
DARCY
Good grief. I'll have to ride to London tonight. The bottom drawer, you say?
Next dialogue: Lizzy won't give Darcy a chance to study the book
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